You’ll probably feel that the most pressing thing for you to do is to set your relationship right back on its feet again.  I think what I’ve got to say can help.  Even if you just want to manage the pain and get on with your new life, you might still find it useful.

First, don’t fixate on keeping in touch with your ex girlfriend.  It’s unlikely to help at this point and it will probably cause harm.  It’s a difficult time when you’re both prone to doing and saying things without thinking through the consequences.  It’s far better to back off and give both of you the space to reflect and reconsider.  That way the wounds can start to heal.

Second, remember that she wasn’t the only good thing in your life.  While you’ve been with her, you’ve probably seen less of your family and friends than before.  Well, now is the time to put that right and discover what a tremendous support they can be. Remember, they care about you so at a time like this lean on them and let them help you through this rough patch.

Finally, be prepared.  You see, one of the consequences of breaking off contact could well be to force her to face her responsibility in all of this and to realize just how much she’s lost. She might well feel that she simply can’t imagine life without you in it, now that she’s had a taste of what it would be like.  So if she gets in touch with you, make sure you’ve worked out how to proceed.

It’s this feeling of hopelessness and emptiness that drives you to do things you never imagined you would. You’re desperate to keep him/her in your life but those things you try and do could be placing a wedge in between getting your relationship back on track.

Three things that must be avoided if you have any chance of recovering the love you had with your ex.

What three mistakes causes an ex to run for the hills every time you call, write, text, email or show up?

First mistake many people, both men and women, make is constantly getting in touch with their ex. Intentions may be well meaning but it’s all backfiring in their face. The last thing your ex is going to want to do is talk to you or wants to see you. This is the time they need to figure out what they want in their life and if you are included in it. If you are constantly in their face, how can they know how they feel? Besides when you constantly try to get in touch with your ex, you come across as desperate. This is time when you need to get strong.

A second mistake many people tend to make is typically out of depression. It’s called drunk dialing. Drunk dialing does typically take place after you consume one too many beers or alcoholic drinks. However, it can happen when you are depression drunk as well. What depression drunk means is that you are letting your sorrows rule your life and letting your emotions take control, which forces you to pick up the phone and spilling out your emotions to your ex… all just to talk to them one more time, hoping they’ll take you back. All your ex will see of you is someone who is vulnerable and weak.

The third mistakes many people tend to make involve you constantly bombarding your ex with calls, text, emails, etc. If you can find a way to get involved in your ex’s life, you’ll do it. All this does is make you come across as a psycho and does nothing for your cause. In fact, they may get so sick of hearing from you, that they will find a way to limit all contact with you…perhaps changing phone numbers, email addresses, etc.

So how do you get back into your ex’s good graces? You need to stay out of his/her way until they are ready to speak with you. This means you break off all contact, at least for a month. This separation time away lets those hurtful feelings that festered and exploded to die down, allowing you to speak with your ex calmly.

K- Kindness Wins the Day

After a breakup, the last thing that may be on your mind is how to show them how kind you can be but this is really an important thing to strive for.  Both of you are probably feeling angry and hurt; however, if you can rise above these feelings and be kind, your ex can’t help but notice.

I – Initiate Positive Discussions

If you look back, you may find that for the last several months all the conversations between you and your ex have deteriorated into arguments.  Although arguments can help to clear the air, if every discussion you two have is an argument, there isn’t much chance for you two to enjoy each other’s company.  Decide, before you make contact with your ex, that this conversation is not going to turn into an argument.  Stay calm and if it gets too difficult to keep from getting angry, just walk away.

S – Smile to the Mirror

The best thing you can do after a breakup is find ways to feel good about yourself.  If you can look in the mirror and smile at the person you see standing there then you can be sure that you are on your way to recovering.  This is a great accomplishment whether you are interested in making up with your ex or just moving on with your life.  If you can keep a positive attitude about yourself, you can keep a smile on your face.  A smiling person is an attractive person.

S – Slip into Your Strategy

You should have a clear plan of attack before you begin but try to initiate your plan subtly.  If your ex is unaware of your plan to win her back, you stand a better chance of achieving success.  Always be aware of what you intend to do next so you are ready when the time comes.

There are two ways to maintain a healthy outlook after a breakup.  Granted, you’re still going to feel hurt and possibly a void, but these two things will help you strengthen and will look good when your ex sees you next.  What are they?  Maintain your physical and social appearance.

Physical health is the same after a breakup as it is before:  you need to eat healthy and exercise.  While it may seem pointless at the time, maintaining your physical health is beneficial.

How does this help you?  When you work out you’re going to start feeling better about yourself.  Your body naturally releases chemicals that make your brain sense a positive feeling which means your outlook on the world will be better as well as how you see yourself.  Not to mention, exercising is a great distraction from letting your mind wander.  If you need a little motivation, just think how your ex is going to relax the next time he/she sees you.

Maintaining a healthy social life is good for you, too, because it also serves as a distraction as well as a boost to your self-confidence when you surround yourself with people you love and that love you. Friends and family are going to be supportive and recognize your pain.  They shouldn’t, however, allow you to wallow in your grief or let you repress all your feelings.  They’ll be able to help you have a healthy balance between your grief and happiness.

As you continue living after a breakup, you’ll realize that if you follow these two things, you’re going to feel better.  You’ll be able to think clearer when the time comes to planning on how to get your ex back.  You’ll gain a healthy outlook on life and yourself.  You’ll become a better person because you’ll understand that you have control over your own life.  Your ex will also see all of this.  He/she will even come to respect you more.

What you should avoid is letting the breakup rule your life.  Emotion will take over if it can but you have the power to keep it behind bars long enough to gain poise over your situation.  Feeling emotion isn’t bad but letting it dictate what you do could be crippling.